Happy Birthday to THE BEST little brother EVER

Tanner's birthday was on Tuesday the 13th. He turned 20 years old. I can't believe my little brother was going to finally be out of his teenage years. That Morning I was sitting with Morgan. I asked her if she knew it was Tanner's birthday today. She responded "Mommy Tanner alive now?" I told her "No sweetie he is in heaven now", and she said "Mom we send his card to heaven?". She gave me the most wonderful idea. We were going to put her card with a helium filled balloon and send it right up into heaven because that is where Tanner is. I ran the idea past my family and they all agreed it was a good idea. After Morgan was done coloring her card I asked her what she wanted written on it. Her words were Happy Birthday, Hope you are happy, Hope you don't die. I then asked her " Morgan can you see Tanner?" She said "Yes". I then asked "Moragn what is he wearing when you see him?" She responded "clothes". I asked her "What color clothes?", and she said "White church clothes". I asked her a little later on "Morgan when you see Tanner where is he?" She said "He's at Tanner's house." I asked what is he doing when you see him?" She said "Sitting....Mom are there chairs in heaven?" I told her I have no clue but probably. She asked "Mom can we go to heaven" I asked why do you want to go to heaven. She said "To see Tanner". I then asked what would you do if you saw him and she responded "Give him hugs and kisses". My little girl is so sweet and pure. There is no doubt in my mind that my kids have a special spiritual connection with Tanner. The veil is so thin for these kids that i'm sure they can see him. They know he is okay and happy. And that brings me comfort.
Later that morning I met up with my mom and aunts down at the mortuary. I honestly thought I would not be celebrating Tanners birthday this way. Filling out a death certificate, and picking a casket. I do have to say this was probably his most expensive birthday present ever. It was not a fun thing to do. Saturday my cousins wife was over helping us come up with the design for the program at the funeral. She asked us how we liked the idea and I just had to respond I hate it. Not that I hated the design, she came up with a way that I think will be beautiful, but I hate the situation. I hate that we even have to be coming up with a funeral program. Who will be speaking. musical numbers, prayers, pall bearers, etc. And I felt this same way at the mortuary. Asking ourselves which casket we felt suited him best. Which color looked most like him and if he would look good in it. I know its a necessary thing to do and I am glad I was able to be a part of it, have a say, but it just hurt. It hurts that I know my brother is gone. That one week ago today was the last day he was here. Alive and breathing. I am not going to lie that I am so jealous that my family, his friends and co-workers got to spend more time with him in his last days than I did. I wish so much we could have one just one last conversation. But I can't think that way. I need to be happy that I did get to talk with him on Wednesday. That I talked to him about the cheesecake I was going to make for him and how he was going to come to church with us on Sunday. How we were going to eat costa vida for dinner. But he said he was so tired and falling asleep. He slept so much the last while he was here.
Tuesday afternoon Brandon went and got some balloons filled. We were going to go release them on his birthday but I really wanted someone to come and take pictures and video so we could remember this special occasion always. I also wanted to see the sky blue full of white fluffy clouds. The weather has been a little gloomy around here this past week. So we decided to wait until the next morning. I was able to get one of my friends to come and do the pictures and video. The morning came and the sky was perfect. Brandon went and filled the balloons. At 10:45 we headed out to qail run baseball park where Tanner used to play. So many good memories there. We went and stood on a field where he once pitched. Brandon said and prayer and then we released the balloons. And they soared up to heaven. There was not one cloud in the way of the balloons and we stood and watched until we couldn't see them anymore. We each wrote a special message to him or attached a card to the balloons.Poor Morgan was crying the whole time and refused to send her card up. She will keep onto it in a special place. We sent off exactly 20 of them for him. It was great there to be as a family, and close friends and feel the love that everyone has for Tanner. He is the most amazing kid and we wish he had a very happy birthday, up in heaven celebrating with our grandma and sister.
So happy birthday to the best little brother ever! We love you so much and hope you day was grand!
If you would like to view the video from the balloon release click here
To view more pictures click here
Funeral services will be Saturday September 17th, 2011 at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints on 40th st and Brown. The Address is 3920 E. Brown road Mesa AZ 85205. Viewing will be from 9:30-11:00 and funeral services will start at 11:00 am.